A group of senior citizens were exchanging complaints about their ailments.

“My arm is so weak that I can hardly hold this coffee cup.”

“Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad that I can’t see to pour my coffee.”

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck.”

“My blood pressure pills make my dizzy.”

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old.”

“Well, it’s not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive.”

Four preachers had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd man out decided to appeal to a higher authority.

“Oh, God!” he cried. “I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please show me a sign, so they too will know that I understand Your laws.”

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the preacher finished his plea, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. “A sign from God! See, I’m right, I knew it!” But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So he asked again: “Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign.”

This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning knocked down a tree ten feet away from the preachers. The cloud dispersed at once. “I told you I was right!” insisted the loner, but the others insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The insisting preacher started to ask again; just as he said, “Oh God…” the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, “HEEEEEEEE’S RIIIIIIIGHT!”

The sky returned to normal. The one preacher put his hands on his hips and said, “Well?”

So?” replied another. “Now it’s three to two!”

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

But why did the chicken cross the road again?
Because it was a double-crosser.

So why did the muddy chicken cross the road again?
Because it was a dirty double-crosser.

Then why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.