Chuck, purchased a new laptop for his job. He travels a lot, and needs to have all the important information at his fingertips.

Unfortunately, in installing all the software an insidious new computer virus was also installed. This new virus randomly inserted profanity and scatological references into his printed copy, but didn’t display them on the screen. Since Chuck trusted his Spell Checker software, he never proofread his copy, and in short order he’d insulted most of his friends and all of his business associates.

When one of his more outspoken friends finally brought the situation to his attention, Chuck was very humiliated and became extremely depressed. He then developed an irrational desire to punish his computer, and he tried several methods to punish his computer for the grief it had brought him.

First, he attempted to cause corrosion of the power supply terminals by sprinkling them with sodium and calcium chloride from highway deicing barrels. Next, he scraped away the solder joints from the board. Finally he threw the whole system out the eighth floor window of his hotel.

Poor Chuck’s actions were reported to the Computer Protection Services. The next morning, he was arrested and charged with . . . a salted battery, breach of contacts, and making an obscene clone fall.

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of it’s guests. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times!

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,

S. Berman

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the
shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in
case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave
3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy,
Relief Maid

Dear Maid,

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won’t need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who . . . left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one . . . bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:
- On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, - 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.

One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings

S. Berman

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second, “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.” The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able to catch him. He falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time he is bruised and bleeding.

Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, “What happened? Was the cord too long?”

The first guy says, “No, the cord was fine, but what is a pinata?”