THIS MONSTER BYTES
It's a scourge, I tell you, a scourge! It's a monumental mess that's obviously ushering in the end of our civilization. Surely the Lord's return can't be far away! After all, how much more can we take of its insidious tentacles wrapping themselves around what's left of our morals and manners? We're talking about a capital crime perpetrated by a punctuational predator! Something has to be done before we're doomed to watch all of our colons turn into eyes!
Perhaps a bit of explanation is in order. For the past few months, I've been thinking about that wolf in cheap clothing that we've all embraced. What is that wolf? It's E-mail! Yes, you heard me right. Grant, the techno-weenie; Grant the preacher voted most likely to be hypnotized by the Windows boot screen; is declaring that all is not well in the land of the "E". Bear with me for a few moments while I rant and then you tell me if I am barking up the wrong hotmail account.
There was a time, before E-mail, when mighty herds of Thesauruses still roamed the land. In those days, English was a language of robust lineage and elegant beauty. In those days, men were men and semi-colons were semi-colons; not the upper half of a winking-sideways face. In those days, the alphabet still had capital letters and brackets didn't have lips. How I long for those days!
How I long to receive mail from someone who still cares enough to begin a sentence with capital letters. How I long for the days of genteel finery, when people actually used your name before they asked for something from you. How I long for the shimmering image of two or more sentences strung together.
It seems to me that in the last couple of years, we've thrown a great deal of our language out the window. Forget capital letters. Forget spelling. Forget adjectives or adverbs. Forget paragraphs. Forget salutations. Forget simple courtesy.
Let me give you an example. Here is the complete transcript of a recent E-mail I received: "send me some of your jokes" Notice the lack of punctuation, capitalization, or "please" and "thank you". They didn't even feel it necessary to use my name, or greet me as a fellow human being, let alone a fellow Christian. There was nary even an anemic, 'Hi there'.
Am I being a little sensitive here, or is this communiqué a bit terse and/or presumptuous, or dare I say it, rude? I mean, after all, this person was asking me to do them a favor! Maybe I'm way off base, but it's hard to read between the lines when there is only one of them!
Unfortunately, this E-mail is far from being an isolated case. E-mail has ushered in a world of two and three word demands. It has given rude people lots of elbow room to be rude and cranky people lots of room to crank. I never thought I would look back on the days of junkmail that addressed me as "Dear Occupant" and get teary-eyed at what has become touching sentimentality in comparison to today's E-mail correspondence!
Have you ever wondered where our English language will be in a hundred years — if the Lord tarries that long? What will be the long-term effects of E-mail usage? Will we enter into a new electronic dark age of clicks, clacks, and grunts? I hope not, but I wonder. . .
The problem is this: I don't think I could go back to an E-mailless universe. I love the speed at which I can communicate with friends around the world. I love the fact that I can send out a prayer request and know that there are people who will read it and begin praying in a matter of minutes. I love the fact that I can pray for them as well. I love the opportunities I have to share the gospel. I just wonder . . . Will E-mail eventually cripple our ability to communicate? Will it rape our language of it's beauty and splendor - all in the name of utilitarian, time-saving abruptness?
I for one, will continue to use my spell checker (most of the time). I will try my best to use salutations and capitalization and punctuation. I will try to be thankful and appreciative and gracious in my communications - even if it means I have to type three or four more words.
Remember, all that we do as Christians reflects upon Christ — even a one sentence E-mail.
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